Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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