well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
