we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
