You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i came on her dog
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
