So drunk its hurt
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
