omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
