We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
