oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
