We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
