Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
