I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
