Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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