How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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