Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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