When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Houston, we have a blender
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
