And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
