i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
