I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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