She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
