Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
