its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
