youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
