Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
