Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
