We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
