I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
