I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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