Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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