12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
