youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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