what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
