Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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