Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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