girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
