"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
