theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
