He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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