She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
