You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
COCAINE IS GR8
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
