I heard we made out
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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