I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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