Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
