Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
