Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
