Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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