woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
