I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
