she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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