I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
