The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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