Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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