i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
