Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
