Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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