Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
