hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
