the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
