Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
