i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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