I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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