in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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