why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
