well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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