I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
