I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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