she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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