Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
