i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
